I knew this pregnancy would be different. I knew we couldn’t expect a normal trajectory like our other two. And yet, even knowing to expect the unexpected, there is little one can do to actually prepare for it.
Somehow the initial panic at 16 weeks of hearing this babe would need to be monitored weekly from then on out for signs of anemia wore off. The gut wrenching fear that accompanied me in the minutes before each ultrasound and the doctor coming in lessened a bit over time. My apprehension around the likelihood of needing an intrauterine transfusion before making it full term melted away as each week passed. 17 weeks… 18 weeks… 19 weeks… 24 weeks… 25 weeks… 26 weeks… 29 weeks… 30 weeks… It seemed like the end was actually in sight. Could we only be 10 weeks from full-term? I let myself hope that we might have miraculously avoided any antibodies crossing over to this little man. And then come Tuesday. 31 weeks 2 days. On Tuesday we hit the threshold. 1.5. Above average. Anemic. And then it was no longer hypothetical. It no longer seemed so far away. It was not a possibility or something to monitor for. It was a reality. And reality always hits harder than a risk. Up to labor and delivery I went for my first steroid shot to develop baby’s lungs. Back I went yesterday for round two and fetal monitoring. A return trip today to verify levels were correct. The confirmation that we’re now at 1.55 to 1.7. Anemic. Four hours later there is a plan. There are 3 pages of notes in my “Baby #3” medical notebook. There are 5 more pages of notes. There is a 8 am transfusion scheduled for Saturday, March 13. (Which my scattered brain reminds me was the final normal day of school last year.) There are risks. There is the certainty of a preterm c-section in the near future. A definitive extended stay in the NICU. I’m left feeling overwhelmed and like I should have been preparing for this. But how? We knew to expect the unexpected. And yet… how does one actually prepare for it, not knowing when it exactly when it will come? I saw this coming, but somehow still didn't expect it.
4 Comments
Heidi
3/11/2021 06:51:47 pm
I am crossing my fingers that the forthcoming interventions help stave off the unexpected.
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3/11/2021 06:59:17 pm
Sending lots of prayers and good wishes that things will go as smoothly as they possibly can!
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3/11/2021 07:15:10 pm
It's almost impossible to prepare for something you don't want to happen, and which might not happen. Better to be as relaxed as you can be before you find out it won't be smooth sailing. I like the way you tell this story, listing the weeks so the reader feels your hope that things will work out. Good luck and best wishes that everything will work out, and your tiny baby will respond to treatment, and you both will recover from the c-section.
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As a former NICU mom, I will tell you that the NICU is the most amazing place! It was an incredibly difficult experience (that we were not prepared for at all, as I had a sudden placental abruption at 33 weeks that lead to an emergency c-section in the middle of the night!), but it was also truly incredible. I was in awe of the the staff and the way that they care for the babies and parents in such a challenging time. It's also eye-opening to realize how many families experience something like that while people who haven't gone through just have no idea what it's like.
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